When I think of you...


I get giddy.

Left Unspoken

The last day. One of the first things that I awoke to was pain. Perhaps I left it unheeded too long. I no longer know what medicine I need to tend to it and you.

I don't know if I could face you. I am so tired.

Land of the Free

The 20th day. One more, and I will resume the formalities of a "normal" life....I wonder how open the heavens will be above me. I expect the full egg white and yolk caboodle. Cracked wide open.

I thank God that I am here to conceptualize and visualise the great width and depth of Your gret proportions of forgiveness, mercy, compassion and perpetual desire to see good for me; even when I and the pretenses of humanity suggest I deserve less. Being here alone to witness this in the physical sense, Nature, is an act of grace that overwhelms me. My gratitude extends beyond the verbal expression. But I want to say it anyways. Thank you.

Today I thought about one of the greatest risks You took. You showed Your vulnerability to us. Us. Jesus was Your personalised "I love you", Your Hallmark's, hung on the cross for the world to see. When I think about how we are made in Your image, I think about how our ways are so different. You dared to boldly say "I love you" and revealed Your weakness, while many of us have an aversion to saying those three magical words, particularly to that one person. The words that allow people into our hearts and God's. "I love you" is the key to our treasures: our hearts.

I want to feel fierce: unadulterated in front of man and God.

I don't want to leave this place.

Ke neng shi ying wei ni tai xiang wo ba....so yi neng gou kan tou ni xin li...neng liew jie ni wei shen me bu shuo.

Dan ye ke neng ying wei wo wang quan bu dong ni...so yi ni zhou bu shuo.

Wo mei you shen me ke yi rang ni dong rao de. Shen cai ke yi rang ni xin dong.

Crab Cakes

1 lb lump crabmeat
3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup finely chopped green onions
3 egg yolks
2 tbsp dry breadcrumbs
2 tbsp finely chopped fresh herbs (equal dill, parsley, tarragon, chives)
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp mayonnaise,
1 tsp Tabasco sauce
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp salt
Fresh ground pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven 350 F.
2. Place crabbeat in sieve; pice through and remove cartilage. Press firm to remove liquid. Transfer to large bowl.
3. Skillet - heat 1 tbsp oil over med. heat. Add green onions and cook for 2 mins till soft. Cool.
4. Add cooked onions, egg yolks, bread crumbs, herbs, mustard, mayonnaice, Tabasco and Worcestershire sauces, salt and pepper to crab. Stir mix till well combined, breaking up lumps of crabmeat with fingers.
5. Divide crab mixture into 8 round patties, 1/2" thick.
6. Large skillet - heat half of remaining oil over med-high heat and cook crab cakes in batches.

TBC....

Summer Miso Soup

8 cups cold water
1 6" x 3" piece of konbu (dried seaweed in Japanese store)
12 dried stiitake mushrooms
8 tsp loose sencha green tea
1/4 cup shiro (light) miso
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp Thai fish sauce

Garnish (any of following):
1 package cooked green tea noodles
2 stalks chopped green onion
1 package enoki mushrooms (stems discarded)
1 package silken tofu (small cubes)

1. Konbu + shiitakes + cold water - in pot. Heat & simmer for 15 mins, till soft. Remove from heat. Add green tea and let steep for 30 minutes.
2. Straing, discard konbu & green tea leaves and reserve broth. Slice stems from mushrooms, discard and thinly slice caps and return to broth.
3. Pour broth and mushrooms back into pot and bring to simmer. Mix in miso, soy sauce and fish sauce.
4. Ladle hot soup on top after putting garnishes down.

Bon appetit.

Seared Tiger Shrimp & Citrus Salad with Galangal Dressing

Dressing
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 cup yellow sugar
3/4 cup fresh lime juice
1/3 roughly chopped galangal
3 tbsp roughly chopped lime leaf
2 stalks lemongrass (sliced - bottom 3" to bulb-eye)
1 tbsp chopped garlic
1 minced Thai chili
2/3 tsp Thai fish sauce

1. Vinegar & sugar in stainless steel saucepan, heat uncovered on medium-high till thick caramel syrup, about 6 - 8 minutes.
2. Stir juice into syrgup. Add rest of dressing ingrediets. Simmer for 4 mins. Turn off heat, let dressing sit for 10 mins. Strain dress and discvard chopped veg. Makes dressing for 6 - 8 salads.
Citrus salad
3 blood oranges/2 navel - peel and segmented.
2 grapefruits - peeled & segmented
2 tbsp chopped cilantro
2 tbsp chopped mint leaves
2 tbsp chopped Thai basil leaves/regular

1. Toss ingredients with half of dressing. Reserve rest for shrimp.

Seared Tiger Shrimp
24 tiger shrimp (1-1-2 lbs) - shelled, intestines removed.
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp sea salt
2 tbsp clarified unsalted butter (melt slow over low heat) - pour into anohter container and discard milky residue.

1. Toss shrimp with curry powder and salt. Heat heavy skillet till very hot. Add butter in skiller and add seasoned shrimp. Sear shrimp for minute on each side. REmove from heat and reserve
2. Serve: Small mount of citrus salad onto 6 - 8 plates. Top each with 3 seared shrimp. Drizzle dressing.

Bon appetit.

Halibut and Crisp White Salad with Sweet Miso Dijon Dressing

Crisp white salad (I)
1 daikon (1 lb)
1 jicama (Mexican root veg.; 1 lb) - peeled
1 Vidalia onion/2 leeks (white part only)
1 can (227 ml) sliced water chestnuts, rinsed and drained
8 halibut filleds (about 2 1/2 lbs)
Vegetable oil
2 packages enoki mushrooms
2 tbsp. sesame seeds, toasted

Miso Dressing
1/4 cup shiro miso paste* - yellow
1/4 cup champagne/white wine vinegar
Juice of 1 lemon
2 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tsp ground bonito flakes** (optional)
1/4 tsp ground peppercorns (Szechuan/white pepper)
1 cup grapeseed/veg oil

1. Miso dressing: Add puree paste, vinegar, lemon juice, Dijoin, sesame oil, bonito flakes & pepper. Add oil till blended. MEasure 1/2 cup and reserve.
2. Julion strip daikon, jicama and onion.
3. Shallow dish - coat fillets with reserved miso. Heat 2 tsp veg oil (med. high heat) in large nonstick skillet. Cook fish in batches (8-10 minutes). Turn once. Keep warm.
4. Trim root ends from mushrooms. Heat oil in remaining skillet over high. Cook mushrooms (30-60 secs.) till slightly softened. Remove from heat.
5. Serve: Place 1/2 mound of white salad in centre of each of 8 plates. Lay halibut fillet on top of each mound; garnish with enoki mushrooms and sesame seeds.

Bon apetit.

Buy

MAC
Orange Shadow
Yellow Shadow
Powerpoint Eyeliner
Brushes

Clothes
UT yellow off-shoulder
UB jeans
Mavi's Dark Wash (?)
Smart Set Blue Vest

Foods
Fruit Gummies
Fruit to Go
Sour Candy

Fashionista Post

I do my mommy proud. I'm wearing your Chanel No. 5.

Like the Dior Joaillerie Diorette Collection. Beautiful earrings...at $2800. They're so pretty!

Other things that have caught my eye:

Jaeger - LeCoultre:
Joaillerie-Reviere (1,226,000)
Reverse Puetto (143,000)
Idale Paved Diamond Dial (187,000)
Master Control Zodiac Chinoise (214,000)
Reverso Grand Automatic (214,000)

Franck Muller
Jumping Tour Tourbillon (1,018,000)
Master Square (Mini-size w/ diamonds)(123,000 or 112,000)
Color Dream Tourbillon (1,018,000)
Evolution 3-1
Long ISland (Black Magic) (322,000)
Cintrel Curvex (361,000)
Double Mystery (303,000)

Cartier-Brequet Heritage
Tonneau (big, white gold) - 142,000/165,000/247,000


OUCH prices. They're nice to look at though.

怀脾气

I can't explain....the movie ended, walking home under the hard fat rain, amidst comic book chatter, stewing in and reflecting the turbulency and inconsistency of the weather.

Someday, when we are arguing, and it's bad weather, we're going to walk outside. Coming out fuming, going in with understanding and wisdom. Maybe not as filled as King Solomon, but one step closer.

Closer to the you and me.
Closer to each other.
Closer to His way of thinking.

Maybe You didn't give me the revelation in the theatre, cuz I started off on the wrong foot this morning. But it occurred to me...어디있고 누구이고...나 기다릴수있어. And I feel at peace with that today...even if it's pelting rain out there.

Timing is the key...when you feel God's peace, 우리 꼭 마날것야. Then our story will begin. After all, isn't that how God found us?

Due Color Yogurt Pie

Ingredients: Crust:
150g Sweet cream 100g Digestive biscuits
100g Pink yogurt 2 tbsp honey
1tbsp Black sesame paste (from Japnese or cake stores)
1 1/2 slice gelatin
25g Sugar
2 tbsp Cocoa Powder

1. Mix digestive biscuits and honey, pour into cake mold, press hard and chilld for 15 mins.
2. Blend well pink yogurt and sugar
3. Beat sweet cream till stiff, set aside
4. Add beaten sweet cream to yogurt mixture, mix well.
5. Soak gelatin in cold water till soft then melt in a hot water bath. Add to yogurt mixture well.
6. Mix half of the mixture with black sesame paste, blend well.
7. Spread one layer of black sesame paste then one layer of pure mix over cake crust, repeat the steps till all mixture used up. Sprinkle a thin layer of cocoa powder on top.
8. Chill in fridge for 2 hours.
9. Garnish with fruit of your own choice.

Bon Apetit.

Inventory, To dos

I moved in several months ago, and now it's time to let go of this place. But I'll miss it. It was unique, it was small, but it was mine.

To Do:
Resignation letter
Cancel phones (mine at least)
Change address
Show room

Sell/Give away
1. Fan (s)
2. Lamp (s)
3. Bed (s)
4. Cushions (blue ones) (g?)
5. Green box (g)
6. Green drawer
7. White drawer (g/s)
8. 2 Trays (g)
9. 3 Baskets
10. Humidifer (done)
11. Heater
12. Water boiler
13. Jug
14. Alarm clock
15. Hangers (done)
16. Big box of clothes (done)

Keeps:
1. Back Support
2. Speakers
3. Pillows
4. Basket tray
5. Pilates Ball & Mat
6. Pink amore cup
7. Big knife, fruit knife.
8. Wiper?

Throw aways:
1. Laundry Bin
2. Blankets

Discoveries are so fun. Yuna Ito - Endless Story.

P.S. I won't conclude from the end of the book. I promise.

I'll patiently flip to the front and start...knowing that the content is equally if not more important. Learn the lesson, kids.

Chocolate Tong Yuen with Dried Rose Soup

Ingredients:
120 huk - lo mai fun
40 huk - dark chocolate
3 tsps - dried rose leaves
400 ml water
120 huk iced water
a little bak lay heung
2 tsps. orange blossom honey

1. Flour mixed with iced water till dough - wait 10 minutes.
2. Fine cutting of chocolate
3. Mince bak lay heung
4. Take little bit of dough - make hold with thumb and add chocolate and bak lay heung. Round it out.
5. Put in boiling water till floats, then turn off stove.
6. Put dumplings in cold water.
7. Put rose in boiling water for 5 minutes, then add honey.
8. Put dumplings in bowls and add soup.

Bon appetit.

Home made cream seafood pasta

Ingredients:
250 "huk" of linguine; 60 "huk" medium sized shrimps; 60 "huk" squid; 60 "huk" scallops; 120 "huk" of clams; 2 tomatoes

4 - 5 leaves of "lo lak"; 2 tsps. olive oil; 1 clove garlic sliced; 1/2 tsp. sugar and appropriate amounts of ground pepper and salt.

1. Clean shrimp, remove intestines. Cut squid to make hoops.
2. Soak clams for an hour till all rocks emitted.
3. On grill add lemon juice, then add shrimp, squid and scallops till cooked. Remove and put into ice water.
4. Clams should be separately boiled till opened. Drain water.
5. In boiling water add olive oil and salt. Add linguine till soft. Remove water.
6. Cut tomatoes ito little pieces. Add oilve oil, garlic, leaves till appropriate thickness. Pour over linguine.

Bon appetit.

Green-tea drenched pears

Ingredients:
4 hard ripe Bartlett pears; 2 lemons' worth of juice; 4 green tea bags; 2 1/4 cups of sand sugar; 4 bat gok; 2 tsps of vanilla essence; 1 cup of mascarpone cheese

1. Mix 1 lemon's juice with one cup of cold water - remove core of pears and put into water.
2. Boil 5 cups of water, add teabags. Turn off stove and leave for 3 minutes. Take away tea bags and add sugar, bak gok, vailla essence and 1 lemon's juiice. Boil till sugar melts. Remove from stove.
3. Place pears in tea. Cover pears with wax paper and press down with lid. Boil, turn to slow nad cover for 5 minutes, till pears are easily pierced by toothpick. REmove from stove and cool.
4. Pour 2 cups of pear juice into little potand boil till there is only 2/3 of a cup. Cool.
5. Add cheese and 2 tsps. of juice into blender and mix. Carefully put pear in dessert plate cetre. Pour 2 tsps. of the sauce and the remainig juice.

Bon appetit.

Spectrum of Miracles

It's awfully hot in Toronto. To me, my attic room is a sauna. Even this I can bear, when I think about how soon I will leave it. Korean restaurants, the nice quality of even cheap clothes, wide streets, junk food, everything, from this cloudy sky and cardboard model houses, I can withstand and marvel. How You brought me to this place of awe is beyond me. But I know it thrills my heart every time I think that someone so big is a breathe away. Like Queen Sheba, trekking from a far place, just to come to this place, have my questions answered by the experiences You've given me. I am taking away more camels, spices and gold than I brought to you.

While I look in awe of the quiet miracles of Your creation, the invisble miracles of the heart are even more beautiful to witness. Experiencing contact with the invisible is incredible. I guess that is the Holy Spirit's way. You are letting me share in the beauty of helping another person, ministering to the needs of their heart. Therein lies my attraction to You. Take me deeper, call me, I am willing.

Beautiful.

Balsamic Vinegar Strawberries Dessert

Ingredients:
1 pound of strawberries
60 ml Balsamic Vinegar
2 tsps. Sugar
2 tsps. lemon juice
several leaves of mint

1. Wash strawberries and cut in half
2. Put sugar into vinegar and melt. After cooled, add lemon juice and mint leaves
3. Put strawberries into vinegar and mix. Fridge for 1 hour. Eat with ice cream.

Feelings of the Day

Ga-Jok Ung-ni-kka...Po-Go Ship-Ji Anh-Na
I used to always worry that us being away would distance us. But now I have come to newfound peace in my heart, knowing that we are family, and even if we can't meet up or even live in the same place, that's ok. God has plans for each and every one of us. If us living close together means we have to sacrifice what God's plans are for us, I rather we be a continent apart. I know that in eternity I shall always have you by my side. Such is the peace and assurance that God gives to His children. To know salvation and heaven will be my home is only something Jesus could give.

Proof
So many people "love" you, obsess over and fantasize about you. You have been made an idol, even if you didn't want to be one. Does this come hand-in-hand with interaction in the public sphere or simply because you are a public figure? I don't know. You are so far away and I have yet to know you. Or will I ever know you? The million-dollar question is: Do I like you and want you to reciprocate because I want to feel important? Why do I need to feel important?

The curious cat needs to unravel the yarn. It's just in her nature. Inherent in her design...in knowing herself better.

Prayer:
Lord, I thank you for the fact that You are my God and no one wants to know me more intimately or heal me or have the best intentions for me than You. Lord, I need you to search my heart and use curiosity to show me the things that are keeping me from being a restored person . Tell me why I need to feel important, when I already am in Your eyes. What insecurities do I still store deep inside that You need to heal me from? You know me inside and out, because You formed me. And even now, You know what I'm thinking and You see my heart. So show me. Show me what I need to confess to You and lay in Your hands. I want to live and shine like the light You want me to be. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Honesty, therefore vulnerability..the true reflection and strength in Christ
A lot of the time, we hide when we are ashamed, scared or afraid that people will see something and deem it as weakness, thus giving us conciliatory attitudes or judgements. It's very normal. We hide parts of ourselves because we are afraid of rejection. But Jesus never did. In fact, He was always honest and bold about who He was and what he had to say. He was the Son of God, the King of Jews and He outrightly pointed out the hypocrisy of the Pharisees. Even though he experience much rejection from His very own people, he was not uninhibited, nor did he stop sharing the love of God. He did it till His last breath.

Don't get me wrong, I am hesitant about posting my most vulnerable points online. But even stronger than that is the deep knowing that He is always with me and He always loves me. Jesus is my very establishment. From a strong establishment, I can build and use my vulnerabilities. Like windows, they allow the light from within to shine out, and show others the way. Though I am clay, I have a treasure. Though I am weak, the strength of Christ emits. This is what makes us brave. No matter what, I know that I know that I know I can share myself, even if it will hurt me. If I can stand before God with all my vulnerabilities, why cannot I stand in front of men and do the same?