Looking at facebook, at his'n'her dialogue, feeling upset at the way I spoke tonight about the lack of eye contact and affirmation from my fellow dinner table guy, feeling discouraged about the judging comments made in the car and the absolute conviction of my parents that they will never become Christians. Upset that I haven't chosen a house church.
It makes me wonder: why do I even try? is it really worth it?
It's not easy being me and I keep on complaining and wanting more. I hate it and yet I still live this vicious cycle. When can I stop? When will I feel like I can breathe?
I wish I was right with You God. Where did my passion for You go? Where is my worship to my first love?? Why am I living in this hell hole??
I feel so screwed up, ungrateful and unloveable.
Why do You still love me anyway....
