The Morning After

10:38 am. Causeway Bay. "obama" service apartments...

i sit before you, supposedly sleeping, but decidedly awake in the living room with Elizabeth Town playing in the background.

i feel better. those words "i hate boys" resounded this morning in my head as i emerged into waking. it was relieving to say the least to put out there what i felt.

but the question remains: what do i do with it?

for a girl like me, the greatest of liars that can even fool myself, it's another confession - another clue to the depths of my heart and truly am.

it comes in a time when i am rediscovering myself. haha. i am always discovering myself. but to bring it to the open to make it "real"...

thanks l for calling. things are getting better more than they are getting worse.

i'm glad i have great girl friends. :)

blue cheese tastes good with instant coffee. so wine can kiss its ass. :P

Second Time Round...

i did not expect that i would enter this headspace again. i thought i had resolved this issue in my heart. but as things happen, i am.

why must i go through this pain again? all the hurt and distrust of guys just wells up inside me again. why do i fall so easily? why don't they like me back? is it because i'm not good enough? a candid confession if there is any of me floating around on cyber space. i feel like there is all this "stuff" that's inside of me. i feel insecure.

even though anticipating what she was gonna say and what was going on, there is always the unexpected - how i'll react in the situation. she didn't expect i would be this hurt. i braved on honesty and told her how confusing he was. that helped for me to be real. 

once again, like in the k & j situation i seemed gracious and strong. but i'm not. even if jj says i am. but isn't that the not good part? God wants me to be weak so He can be my strength. 

even so, i feel like i've been rejected.  talking to my cousin who tried to comfort me helped a little. i'm pondering if i should call on my prayer army and ask for their support. 

i wonder when i will learn my lesson. how will i handle this? is this a test? how will i fare on it?why can't i just be happy for once for a new couple??? when will i stop envying and living for myself? 

all these spirit-breaking questions. humbling. and also i'm wondering: by circumstance or by my choice? 

when will i have my happy ending?