Your words assure and sustain me.

1. Assurance of Salvation (1 John 5:11-12)
And this is the testimony: "God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life."

2. Assurance of Answered Prayers (John 16:24)
Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

3. Assurance of Victory (1 Corinthians 10:13)
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

4. Assurance of Forgiveness (1 John 1:9)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

5. Assurance of Guidance (Provers 3:5-6)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

6. Putting Christ first (Matthew 6:33)
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

7. His Strength (Philippians 4:13)
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

8. God's Word (Psalms 119:9,11)
How does a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word...I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

9. Love (John 13:34-35)
A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.

10. Giving (2 Corinthians 9:7)
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

11. The church (Psalm 122:1)
I rejoiced with those who said to me, "Let us go to the house of the Lord."

12. Good Works (Ephesians 2:10)
For we are God's workmanship, created in Jesus Christ to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do.

I ask why, knowing that I won't be the one who knows why.

I ask how, knowing that I won't be the one who knows how.

I ask where, knowing that I won't be the who knows where.

It's always been this way with me. The peeping tom. I can't invade thinking space. I can't always understand.

And I just can't be at all places at once.

I want to though.

That's only something You seem to be able to do.

Bethany Dillon - For My Love lyrics

Walk towards me
I want to hear
the heavens singing over You
When You breathe
and look at me
I want to be captured by You

Gaze into my eyes
let me know You'd fight
Thousands for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with You tonight
Just ask me
For my love

I want to hide
What's deep in my eyes
I'm scared to be known by You
But when I turn my head
I see You there
I wanna be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you'd fight
Thousands for my love
Slip Your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with You tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I would wake from
Story that will never end
The ground Your feet walk on
Let me be there
Let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you'd fight
Thousands for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
X2

Slip your hand in mine
Ask me dance with You tonight
Ask me for my love


Sidenote: Falling in love, knowing that I am loved and knowing that women want to be loved like this, the song's sentiments resonate with me. Bethany Dillon, you can strum the chords of my heart anytime.

On a deeper level, the thanks goes to the Big Man Upstairs. For trusting us with spreading Your message. It blows my mind when I ask myself why You trust me, us. Besides the fact that You are with us always, could it be because You designed us and know we could do it with Your help? Even though You don't need us?

There's so many ways to conclude. I mean, B, just pick a path and follow it. I'd like to think of it like this: You let us do things, so in the midst, we learn that You know us everything about us. And as we learn how much You know us, we experience You.

Thanks Pr.Sam for the mindblowing message you gave yesterday. SP, you're the one for me, till ?

This journey to loving myself, loving God and loving others is simultaneously liberating, tiring, joyful and revealing. As I leave this retreat and meet with other people, the more I see how God loves me, the more freedom I know, the more desire to just connect with other people.

Yet it is at the same time that this feeling of my initiation and the sense of undeveloped family makes my heart so tired. It feels like an upward struggle.

I won't oust the possibility that I am sensitive. But it's just so hard...shouldn't the family of God welcome you? I know each person is struggling with their own. I don't blame them, I understand. But I just feel tired...

Lord, give me the strength to persevere and to really see myself as You see me.

Lord, you're just so good. So good. As I finish my morning prayer hastily, I know there is more I want to request.

By the time I reach the table, the word "ask" is spoken into my ear. I know deep inside that I want all of it. All of Your blessings.

The greatest blessing is knowing that You want to give it to me.

Men who kill cockroaches rule.

When I think of you...


I get giddy.

Left Unspoken

The last day. One of the first things that I awoke to was pain. Perhaps I left it unheeded too long. I no longer know what medicine I need to tend to it and you.

I don't know if I could face you. I am so tired.

Land of the Free

The 20th day. One more, and I will resume the formalities of a "normal" life....I wonder how open the heavens will be above me. I expect the full egg white and yolk caboodle. Cracked wide open.

I thank God that I am here to conceptualize and visualise the great width and depth of Your gret proportions of forgiveness, mercy, compassion and perpetual desire to see good for me; even when I and the pretenses of humanity suggest I deserve less. Being here alone to witness this in the physical sense, Nature, is an act of grace that overwhelms me. My gratitude extends beyond the verbal expression. But I want to say it anyways. Thank you.

Today I thought about one of the greatest risks You took. You showed Your vulnerability to us. Us. Jesus was Your personalised "I love you", Your Hallmark's, hung on the cross for the world to see. When I think about how we are made in Your image, I think about how our ways are so different. You dared to boldly say "I love you" and revealed Your weakness, while many of us have an aversion to saying those three magical words, particularly to that one person. The words that allow people into our hearts and God's. "I love you" is the key to our treasures: our hearts.

I want to feel fierce: unadulterated in front of man and God.

I don't want to leave this place.

Ke neng shi ying wei ni tai xiang wo ba....so yi neng gou kan tou ni xin li...neng liew jie ni wei shen me bu shuo.

Dan ye ke neng ying wei wo wang quan bu dong ni...so yi ni zhou bu shuo.

Wo mei you shen me ke yi rang ni dong rao de. Shen cai ke yi rang ni xin dong.

Crab Cakes

1 lb lump crabmeat
3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup finely chopped green onions
3 egg yolks
2 tbsp dry breadcrumbs
2 tbsp finely chopped fresh herbs (equal dill, parsley, tarragon, chives)
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp mayonnaise,
1 tsp Tabasco sauce
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp salt
Fresh ground pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven 350 F.
2. Place crabbeat in sieve; pice through and remove cartilage. Press firm to remove liquid. Transfer to large bowl.
3. Skillet - heat 1 tbsp oil over med. heat. Add green onions and cook for 2 mins till soft. Cool.
4. Add cooked onions, egg yolks, bread crumbs, herbs, mustard, mayonnaice, Tabasco and Worcestershire sauces, salt and pepper to crab. Stir mix till well combined, breaking up lumps of crabmeat with fingers.
5. Divide crab mixture into 8 round patties, 1/2" thick.
6. Large skillet - heat half of remaining oil over med-high heat and cook crab cakes in batches.

TBC....

Summer Miso Soup

8 cups cold water
1 6" x 3" piece of konbu (dried seaweed in Japanese store)
12 dried stiitake mushrooms
8 tsp loose sencha green tea
1/4 cup shiro (light) miso
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp Thai fish sauce

Garnish (any of following):
1 package cooked green tea noodles
2 stalks chopped green onion
1 package enoki mushrooms (stems discarded)
1 package silken tofu (small cubes)

1. Konbu + shiitakes + cold water - in pot. Heat & simmer for 15 mins, till soft. Remove from heat. Add green tea and let steep for 30 minutes.
2. Straing, discard konbu & green tea leaves and reserve broth. Slice stems from mushrooms, discard and thinly slice caps and return to broth.
3. Pour broth and mushrooms back into pot and bring to simmer. Mix in miso, soy sauce and fish sauce.
4. Ladle hot soup on top after putting garnishes down.

Bon appetit.

Seared Tiger Shrimp & Citrus Salad with Galangal Dressing

Dressing
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 cup yellow sugar
3/4 cup fresh lime juice
1/3 roughly chopped galangal
3 tbsp roughly chopped lime leaf
2 stalks lemongrass (sliced - bottom 3" to bulb-eye)
1 tbsp chopped garlic
1 minced Thai chili
2/3 tsp Thai fish sauce

1. Vinegar & sugar in stainless steel saucepan, heat uncovered on medium-high till thick caramel syrup, about 6 - 8 minutes.
2. Stir juice into syrgup. Add rest of dressing ingrediets. Simmer for 4 mins. Turn off heat, let dressing sit for 10 mins. Strain dress and discvard chopped veg. Makes dressing for 6 - 8 salads.
Citrus salad
3 blood oranges/2 navel - peel and segmented.
2 grapefruits - peeled & segmented
2 tbsp chopped cilantro
2 tbsp chopped mint leaves
2 tbsp chopped Thai basil leaves/regular

1. Toss ingredients with half of dressing. Reserve rest for shrimp.

Seared Tiger Shrimp
24 tiger shrimp (1-1-2 lbs) - shelled, intestines removed.
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp sea salt
2 tbsp clarified unsalted butter (melt slow over low heat) - pour into anohter container and discard milky residue.

1. Toss shrimp with curry powder and salt. Heat heavy skillet till very hot. Add butter in skiller and add seasoned shrimp. Sear shrimp for minute on each side. REmove from heat and reserve
2. Serve: Small mount of citrus salad onto 6 - 8 plates. Top each with 3 seared shrimp. Drizzle dressing.

Bon appetit.

Halibut and Crisp White Salad with Sweet Miso Dijon Dressing

Crisp white salad (I)
1 daikon (1 lb)
1 jicama (Mexican root veg.; 1 lb) - peeled
1 Vidalia onion/2 leeks (white part only)
1 can (227 ml) sliced water chestnuts, rinsed and drained
8 halibut filleds (about 2 1/2 lbs)
Vegetable oil
2 packages enoki mushrooms
2 tbsp. sesame seeds, toasted

Miso Dressing
1/4 cup shiro miso paste* - yellow
1/4 cup champagne/white wine vinegar
Juice of 1 lemon
2 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tsp ground bonito flakes** (optional)
1/4 tsp ground peppercorns (Szechuan/white pepper)
1 cup grapeseed/veg oil

1. Miso dressing: Add puree paste, vinegar, lemon juice, Dijoin, sesame oil, bonito flakes & pepper. Add oil till blended. MEasure 1/2 cup and reserve.
2. Julion strip daikon, jicama and onion.
3. Shallow dish - coat fillets with reserved miso. Heat 2 tsp veg oil (med. high heat) in large nonstick skillet. Cook fish in batches (8-10 minutes). Turn once. Keep warm.
4. Trim root ends from mushrooms. Heat oil in remaining skillet over high. Cook mushrooms (30-60 secs.) till slightly softened. Remove from heat.
5. Serve: Place 1/2 mound of white salad in centre of each of 8 plates. Lay halibut fillet on top of each mound; garnish with enoki mushrooms and sesame seeds.

Bon apetit.

Buy

MAC
Orange Shadow
Yellow Shadow
Powerpoint Eyeliner
Brushes

Clothes
UT yellow off-shoulder
UB jeans
Mavi's Dark Wash (?)
Smart Set Blue Vest

Foods
Fruit Gummies
Fruit to Go
Sour Candy

Fashionista Post

I do my mommy proud. I'm wearing your Chanel No. 5.

Like the Dior Joaillerie Diorette Collection. Beautiful earrings...at $2800. They're so pretty!

Other things that have caught my eye:

Jaeger - LeCoultre:
Joaillerie-Reviere (1,226,000)
Reverse Puetto (143,000)
Idale Paved Diamond Dial (187,000)
Master Control Zodiac Chinoise (214,000)
Reverso Grand Automatic (214,000)

Franck Muller
Jumping Tour Tourbillon (1,018,000)
Master Square (Mini-size w/ diamonds)(123,000 or 112,000)
Color Dream Tourbillon (1,018,000)
Evolution 3-1
Long ISland (Black Magic) (322,000)
Cintrel Curvex (361,000)
Double Mystery (303,000)

Cartier-Brequet Heritage
Tonneau (big, white gold) - 142,000/165,000/247,000


OUCH prices. They're nice to look at though.

怀脾气

I can't explain....the movie ended, walking home under the hard fat rain, amidst comic book chatter, stewing in and reflecting the turbulency and inconsistency of the weather.

Someday, when we are arguing, and it's bad weather, we're going to walk outside. Coming out fuming, going in with understanding and wisdom. Maybe not as filled as King Solomon, but one step closer.

Closer to the you and me.
Closer to each other.
Closer to His way of thinking.

Maybe You didn't give me the revelation in the theatre, cuz I started off on the wrong foot this morning. But it occurred to me...어디있고 누구이고...나 기다릴수있어. And I feel at peace with that today...even if it's pelting rain out there.

Timing is the key...when you feel God's peace, 우리 꼭 마날것야. Then our story will begin. After all, isn't that how God found us?

Due Color Yogurt Pie

Ingredients: Crust:
150g Sweet cream 100g Digestive biscuits
100g Pink yogurt 2 tbsp honey
1tbsp Black sesame paste (from Japnese or cake stores)
1 1/2 slice gelatin
25g Sugar
2 tbsp Cocoa Powder

1. Mix digestive biscuits and honey, pour into cake mold, press hard and chilld for 15 mins.
2. Blend well pink yogurt and sugar
3. Beat sweet cream till stiff, set aside
4. Add beaten sweet cream to yogurt mixture, mix well.
5. Soak gelatin in cold water till soft then melt in a hot water bath. Add to yogurt mixture well.
6. Mix half of the mixture with black sesame paste, blend well.
7. Spread one layer of black sesame paste then one layer of pure mix over cake crust, repeat the steps till all mixture used up. Sprinkle a thin layer of cocoa powder on top.
8. Chill in fridge for 2 hours.
9. Garnish with fruit of your own choice.

Bon Apetit.

Inventory, To dos

I moved in several months ago, and now it's time to let go of this place. But I'll miss it. It was unique, it was small, but it was mine.

To Do:
Resignation letter
Cancel phones (mine at least)
Change address
Show room

Sell/Give away
1. Fan (s)
2. Lamp (s)
3. Bed (s)
4. Cushions (blue ones) (g?)
5. Green box (g)
6. Green drawer
7. White drawer (g/s)
8. 2 Trays (g)
9. 3 Baskets
10. Humidifer (done)
11. Heater
12. Water boiler
13. Jug
14. Alarm clock
15. Hangers (done)
16. Big box of clothes (done)

Keeps:
1. Back Support
2. Speakers
3. Pillows
4. Basket tray
5. Pilates Ball & Mat
6. Pink amore cup
7. Big knife, fruit knife.
8. Wiper?

Throw aways:
1. Laundry Bin
2. Blankets

Discoveries are so fun. Yuna Ito - Endless Story.

P.S. I won't conclude from the end of the book. I promise.

I'll patiently flip to the front and start...knowing that the content is equally if not more important. Learn the lesson, kids.

Chocolate Tong Yuen with Dried Rose Soup

Ingredients:
120 huk - lo mai fun
40 huk - dark chocolate
3 tsps - dried rose leaves
400 ml water
120 huk iced water
a little bak lay heung
2 tsps. orange blossom honey

1. Flour mixed with iced water till dough - wait 10 minutes.
2. Fine cutting of chocolate
3. Mince bak lay heung
4. Take little bit of dough - make hold with thumb and add chocolate and bak lay heung. Round it out.
5. Put in boiling water till floats, then turn off stove.
6. Put dumplings in cold water.
7. Put rose in boiling water for 5 minutes, then add honey.
8. Put dumplings in bowls and add soup.

Bon appetit.

Home made cream seafood pasta

Ingredients:
250 "huk" of linguine; 60 "huk" medium sized shrimps; 60 "huk" squid; 60 "huk" scallops; 120 "huk" of clams; 2 tomatoes

4 - 5 leaves of "lo lak"; 2 tsps. olive oil; 1 clove garlic sliced; 1/2 tsp. sugar and appropriate amounts of ground pepper and salt.

1. Clean shrimp, remove intestines. Cut squid to make hoops.
2. Soak clams for an hour till all rocks emitted.
3. On grill add lemon juice, then add shrimp, squid and scallops till cooked. Remove and put into ice water.
4. Clams should be separately boiled till opened. Drain water.
5. In boiling water add olive oil and salt. Add linguine till soft. Remove water.
6. Cut tomatoes ito little pieces. Add oilve oil, garlic, leaves till appropriate thickness. Pour over linguine.

Bon appetit.

Green-tea drenched pears

Ingredients:
4 hard ripe Bartlett pears; 2 lemons' worth of juice; 4 green tea bags; 2 1/4 cups of sand sugar; 4 bat gok; 2 tsps of vanilla essence; 1 cup of mascarpone cheese

1. Mix 1 lemon's juice with one cup of cold water - remove core of pears and put into water.
2. Boil 5 cups of water, add teabags. Turn off stove and leave for 3 minutes. Take away tea bags and add sugar, bak gok, vailla essence and 1 lemon's juiice. Boil till sugar melts. Remove from stove.
3. Place pears in tea. Cover pears with wax paper and press down with lid. Boil, turn to slow nad cover for 5 minutes, till pears are easily pierced by toothpick. REmove from stove and cool.
4. Pour 2 cups of pear juice into little potand boil till there is only 2/3 of a cup. Cool.
5. Add cheese and 2 tsps. of juice into blender and mix. Carefully put pear in dessert plate cetre. Pour 2 tsps. of the sauce and the remainig juice.

Bon appetit.

Spectrum of Miracles

It's awfully hot in Toronto. To me, my attic room is a sauna. Even this I can bear, when I think about how soon I will leave it. Korean restaurants, the nice quality of even cheap clothes, wide streets, junk food, everything, from this cloudy sky and cardboard model houses, I can withstand and marvel. How You brought me to this place of awe is beyond me. But I know it thrills my heart every time I think that someone so big is a breathe away. Like Queen Sheba, trekking from a far place, just to come to this place, have my questions answered by the experiences You've given me. I am taking away more camels, spices and gold than I brought to you.

While I look in awe of the quiet miracles of Your creation, the invisble miracles of the heart are even more beautiful to witness. Experiencing contact with the invisible is incredible. I guess that is the Holy Spirit's way. You are letting me share in the beauty of helping another person, ministering to the needs of their heart. Therein lies my attraction to You. Take me deeper, call me, I am willing.

Beautiful.

Balsamic Vinegar Strawberries Dessert

Ingredients:
1 pound of strawberries
60 ml Balsamic Vinegar
2 tsps. Sugar
2 tsps. lemon juice
several leaves of mint

1. Wash strawberries and cut in half
2. Put sugar into vinegar and melt. After cooled, add lemon juice and mint leaves
3. Put strawberries into vinegar and mix. Fridge for 1 hour. Eat with ice cream.

Feelings of the Day

Ga-Jok Ung-ni-kka...Po-Go Ship-Ji Anh-Na
I used to always worry that us being away would distance us. But now I have come to newfound peace in my heart, knowing that we are family, and even if we can't meet up or even live in the same place, that's ok. God has plans for each and every one of us. If us living close together means we have to sacrifice what God's plans are for us, I rather we be a continent apart. I know that in eternity I shall always have you by my side. Such is the peace and assurance that God gives to His children. To know salvation and heaven will be my home is only something Jesus could give.

Proof
So many people "love" you, obsess over and fantasize about you. You have been made an idol, even if you didn't want to be one. Does this come hand-in-hand with interaction in the public sphere or simply because you are a public figure? I don't know. You are so far away and I have yet to know you. Or will I ever know you? The million-dollar question is: Do I like you and want you to reciprocate because I want to feel important? Why do I need to feel important?

The curious cat needs to unravel the yarn. It's just in her nature. Inherent in her design...in knowing herself better.

Prayer:
Lord, I thank you for the fact that You are my God and no one wants to know me more intimately or heal me or have the best intentions for me than You. Lord, I need you to search my heart and use curiosity to show me the things that are keeping me from being a restored person . Tell me why I need to feel important, when I already am in Your eyes. What insecurities do I still store deep inside that You need to heal me from? You know me inside and out, because You formed me. And even now, You know what I'm thinking and You see my heart. So show me. Show me what I need to confess to You and lay in Your hands. I want to live and shine like the light You want me to be. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Honesty, therefore vulnerability..the true reflection and strength in Christ
A lot of the time, we hide when we are ashamed, scared or afraid that people will see something and deem it as weakness, thus giving us conciliatory attitudes or judgements. It's very normal. We hide parts of ourselves because we are afraid of rejection. But Jesus never did. In fact, He was always honest and bold about who He was and what he had to say. He was the Son of God, the King of Jews and He outrightly pointed out the hypocrisy of the Pharisees. Even though he experience much rejection from His very own people, he was not uninhibited, nor did he stop sharing the love of God. He did it till His last breath.

Don't get me wrong, I am hesitant about posting my most vulnerable points online. But even stronger than that is the deep knowing that He is always with me and He always loves me. Jesus is my very establishment. From a strong establishment, I can build and use my vulnerabilities. Like windows, they allow the light from within to shine out, and show others the way. Though I am clay, I have a treasure. Though I am weak, the strength of Christ emits. This is what makes us brave. No matter what, I know that I know that I know I can share myself, even if it will hurt me. If I can stand before God with all my vulnerabilities, why cannot I stand in front of men and do the same?

Hillsong - Still

It occurred to me as I was chewing on my red bean pancake, that this was one of those memorable nights, before I left for Hong Kong. Deep in my spirit and my heart I am hungering to go back home. I can't explain it. I am desperate to go home.

The clean air, the clear starry nights, walking home to a house of mis-matched people, I felt nostalgic. Anuska must have felt this way when she was leaving for Trinidad. I'm trying to remember exactly how each thing is or feels like. Mother's Dumplings, the eclectic mix and multiculturalism communicated in the variety of foods, the ambience of being with my church family (God I love them!), sitting and talking with Mahia over the kitchen counter, my heart to heart talks in broken Korean with Young Mi, laughing out of pure joy because Hana brings that, Munchkins with Jin & Michelle & Peter & Richard & Abi, dancing on stage, doing what I feel, the four seasons, the beautiful parks, the non-mugginess, dressing the way I feel, this little room and house...everything.

Ah....lump in my throat. Which is the bitter which is the sweet? There is goodness here and half way around the world. I feel like I'm leaving half of myself to reclaim another half in Hong Kong.

Even so, this song reminds me to be still before You:

Hillsong - Still

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust


Prayer: Lord, in all this I remember You walking on water, and the waves were rough. I remember another story where You tell Peter to come out of the boat. In both cases, You showed us that if we step out towards You, we receive peace. I know You are asking me to step out, in my heart, to walk by faith. Lord, I want to trust you so badly. I'm not perfect, but I'll always remember that the comfort of the Holy Spirit and the fear of the Lord. Help mto trust You Jesus. Amen.

I ask how, knowing that You will smile and say, "Because I was, I am and I will always be."

I don't need to look too far for me to come back full circle at the same question. Your mysterious ways keep me coming back.

More and more, it feels like writing itself is not enough to encompass the height, the width, the depth of the emotions and thoughts that You give me. I feel like I'm free falling, unafraid of hurting myself.

Perhaps it's time to start turning to my literary self, and pick up a book, and be inspired.

Before the herds and swarms of people, I witness the wake of Chinatown and its very foundations: the earnest hardwork ethic of people that build their lives with their two hands.

To their calloused hands, leather faces, scruffy outfits and their arched silhouettes, I show respect. They are long-standing trees in concrete. Rooted and determined to survive.

In their midst, I am living my life and loving the realness of it all.

Nostalgy

I'm packing for my NYC trip. I'm so tired, but can't sleep since I gotta head to work early tommorrow for the budget report.

Speaking of KGV, our high school stories, detention, friends that passed away and family...a seemingly undissolvable ache formed in my heart. Closing my eyes, I remembered that boy, Timothy Law, and even though I didn't know him, I felt your grief for more than an instant. To be only 21, and have three of friends pass away to cancer, to suicide, to reckless driving.

These memories are yours, but let me borrow them for a moment.

On Sports Day, you and I talked, while you sat in your wheelchair with an IV drip extending from your hand. Though you were still on morphine and tired from chemo, you said one day you would get better and we'd have a basketball match. The light and hope shined in your eyes, while you said you would win. Believing with all my heart, I believed you would keep your promise...

Jin wan, shi jue hao shang hen dai. Ku ye ku dao shing tong. Na kk ta mol-a-sso-yo. Na al-go-ship-o-yo. Moreover, I pray that You bind his heart, help him to see beyond and also understand, that even though he might not know why You did it. Let him hold no anger or bitterness against You. But understand that Timothy testified of You, of Your Grace...and also unconsciously motivated him to live his life well. Because he has health.

A day of more than 24 hours

2:05 AM. 今晚有睡不著。天啊。 觉得这样子是最累的。 身体順要 休息, 但是腦袋關不掉．　

Mmm. Peanut butter is my main backup sustainance. It has got to be one of THE most greatest inventions ever. I have already had 2 tablespoonfuls in the Joe Black fashion.

Dao di yao deng duo jou neng gou ren shi ni? Dao di yao guo do xiao chen jang cai neng yue dao ni ne?

I'm clinging to Your promise. You will lure me back to the days of youth. You will quiet me with Your love. You will rejoice over me with singing. Under Your protection, I shall hide in the secret place and await Your timing.

이젠까지, 그만해. 저는 한나님께서의 선텍을 기다릴게요. 그레면, 빨리와. 제 마음은 will be guarded.

近排越來越想买一个錄音機...

愛是什麽? 让我做爱的怩个.这样子我才可以懂他的痛苦.

I came across something today:
"The heart sometimes sees what the eyes cannot."

I like that.

I'm a book. Lis-moi.

Movie List:
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Munich
Wallce & Gromit
March of the Penguins

Recommend all.

有夢想的人不會死的...힘!죽지않아!

like a stone in my heart, you'll always be there.

if i had a superpower, i'd wish i could see you for who you were and are, and really speak to those things. i want to know how to heal your heart.

그냥 다...나알아요. 그렇지만...왜 아직도 하는 중이에요? 나 한테 실망이에요. :(

Understood.

Crouching to her level, bent knees, open arms, inviting smile, I encouraged the toddler to come my way.

Crouching to meet me at my level, open arms, inviting smile, Jesus encouraged me to go His way.

In one moment, I understood.

在想...

想跟你做朋友...這個關係能夠滿足我的好奇嗎?

很想有個機會試試看...進入你們的世界. 不想俾誘或勝戰. 想進去...然侯改變你們做這行工作的原因.

目的是認識你或是改變你們?

Nuances

우리 사람들이 너무 재미있어요.

We are. So incredibly fascinating. The things we cry about, our little mannerisms when we don't think anyone's looking, the approach we take, every little thing.

Note to self:
Must remember to capture these little nuances of the Korean people when I go to Seoul. Digi, please have audio by then. I need you to work with me!

Something to brighten your day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oGoILt35Ag&search=Fly%20To%20The%20Sky%20

You don't have to understand Korean to get this.

Love (So Beautiful)

Fashioned with different talents and skills, you and I are so special. We are more priceless than unearthed archeological wares. We do more than just sit pretty.

I deeply believe that when people recognize their gifts and use them, they do great things in their lives. Especially when they put their talents and strengths to the right task, amazing things can happen. Even more amazing is when we interact and use our abilities together to achieve the same and right goal, oh wow, good things come into fruition! And in those moments also, you're also living the greatest of your life...you are ALIVE!

You seed, I plant, you water...your song + my dance, our team. We become the definitions of life.

This song - Love (So beautiful) - DJ Maj, Liquid Beats, Boogiroots, reminds me of those things...little things, the pleasure of living...it's a privilege just to be able to breathe, make "breakfast in my little kitchen". So alive...so alive...

Thank you for the gifts You give me.

Parcel and Past Tense

I attended the Toronto-Singapore Film Festival organized by a friend today. Although the movies were not the best cut or edited or acclaimed, I enjoyed the fact that they engaged me and allowed me the freedom of thinking and wondering.

'Past Tense' was like an injected current into a once tepid pool of water. It stirred up currents and the forgotten things in my thoughts. The whole notion of memories, the past, people, particular translated into latches or anchors (if you will), that we use to see ourselves.

I thought of all the latches or anchors, if you will, we use to attach ourselves to a particular context. These are what keeps us grounded and the backdrop that we play against; in relation to it, it seems that everything makes sense. In relation to it, it seems we remember we have a past, a history and a slate full of information that tells us, this is who we are.

While being in context is all well and good, to the person or individual who is a new creation, such a reminder of the old is like a scar being scoured with salt. Like the recent novel A Million Pieces, the solution opted for, is the one that will break you. Fighting harder to leave it, then just making peace with it. A greater trauma in need of a greater period of healing.

Si vous voyez ma coeur, tu veux compendre. Toute de suite. Even though your chidings are from the most sincere place, they are like great dosses of salt on the scars; yours and mine. Yours because you doubt there is an easier way to healing and mine, because you show me I have scars.

Mais, il y a l'espoir toujours. Pourquoi? Parce-que...c'est d'endroit d'amour. But always remember, where there is also faith there is the right way: the simple decision not to pick up the yoke. But to leave it at the feet of the Lord.

There are certain latches, really chains that we have to remove. We are no longer imprisoned, so let us lift off those things that keep us from soaring.

Speechless. Devoid of words. Mum. Thoughtless. Joyful. Frustrated.

The body becomes the greatest prosecutor and defendor in music.

Take it as it is.

Locked out for a moment

"야...왜그래 나는???" was the feeling I had when the door knob failed to yield.

The level of sucking increases when you have an egg mask on your face. -_- Blinking helplessly with an immobile face, I postulated several alternatives: a) Camp outside my room; b) Call locksmith; c) Ask Roomie

Roomie it was. After major executive decision-making, I decided to sacrifice my 10-minute mask. It would go off in 5...

Me: *peering under the door for light of each door* *knock knock on Abishek's door*
Abe: Hey
Me: Abe...I locked myself out of my room!! Abe, what do I do??
Abe: Umm....*Rummages for hammer*

Abe rocks! I had apparently gone to the right roomie. He had unlocked that door twice before. Both times involved the weapon of choice - the hammer. In this instance though, he managed to pry and jiggle. It's the skills, baby!

Thanks also to the Man Upstairs! A quick prayer to help, guided footsteps and a little bit of hope go a long way too!

Thank you Emily. I received your love in the post. :)

Sifting

Sifting through all the information I collected and produced in university, I wonder: how much is actually useful and should I retain?

Urban waste management, social research methods, environmental theory, dramas and literature. How much of it will I go back to?

Not wanting to keep it, but not wanting to throw away my own penmanship.

Sigh. No wonder I have so much unfinished packing.

Slow Down and Relax

I feel so relaxed now. Tonight, I have Winterlicious Pangaea to look forward to. YES! Can't wait to have a nice dinner with my girl friend(s).

I was thinking that I'd have that job right now. But maybe, I don't need that job. They have yet to get back to, but I won't be upset if they turn me down. Actually, it'll be rather nice to take things slow, fill out my donship applications and have Becky come over a little earlier than expected.

Everything is being laid out so beautifully. Couldn't have been done any better.

I am free

The tremendous testing has been lifted off my chest. It feels good to know that I am not under the pressure anymore. Whatever happens, doing well or not doing well, I leave that in Your hands. I did the best I could. Now I just have to wait to glorfiy Him.

A lot of thoughts have been flooding in, along with many responsibilities that have been waiting for me. You tell me now to worry, because tommorrow has its worries. Tommorrow has arrived, and I will resume the work that You have left for me. And I simply be the channel in which all comes from You.

There were so many new faces at church today. I feel certain and assured that this next month and a half will be great and God will move and we will testify to Your work.

You're awesome.

Korean dramas, Pangaea, fun and games, here I come!

Testing Draws Near

I won't ever know my reach till I'm tested.

I think about this, as the LSATs are drawing near. I try harder on my part, but it seems the dream You've bestowed me, wavers and wanes. The assurance of UT Law School was once 100%. I don't want that to go away. Ever. I don't EVER want to EVER doubt what You've assured me. When I almost died, You saved my life. How can I forget that assurance that You will bless me and keep me?

I know that I have my limits. I know that beyond my limits is the infinite of the Lord God Almighty. How easy it would be if I just rushed head long and jumped off that cliff; trusting that the Lord would catch me and show me I don't only have legs; but the wings of an eagle.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
(Proverbs 3:5)

A matter of focus

Darn it. I can't seem to concentrate. I think it's all the food I bought in Chinatown. They're beckoning at me....

Ok, ok. So I know that food has no actual willpower or vocal chords to MAKE me lavish attention on them more so than on my LSATs. Me and my fidgety hands. Better pack them away and completely focus on my LSATs and take occasional breaks; maybe with food.

Actually not. Occasional exhalation of thoughts on the blog, stretching and cleaning my room for Young Mi's visit should do the trick. Then a nice, hot shower.

Prayer Requests (This is where I put down things you guys can pray for me! Please and Thank you!) :

Overall: Excel and grow in the month of February

1. Saturday 4th: LSAT - do well to glorify God, subsequently getting in UT;
2. Deeper & closer relationship with God;
   
3. 6th: Complete dance routine for audition;
   
4. Establishment of Holy-Spirit lead-cell;
5. More intimate relationship with my disciples;
   
6. 15th - 20th: Completion of donship applications, pray for my favor with those who review the applications; get a donship!
   
7. Share of Christ's love in the workplace and friends;
   
8. Breaking down problems into smaller bite-size pieces e.g. so when something happens, I can give the person the slice, and not the cake...too overwhelming; the grief on both sides...
   
9. Boldness & articulation in speaking;

Thanks guys. Where would I be without prayer? The way of communication that God gives us to ask and receive of things. In all things, may God's will be done!

Home - Ma Petite Piece!

I love my new little place! I love that...

1. It's uniquely turquoise and lime coloured;
2. I can sit on my bed and go on the internet without moving; cross-legged with just my t-shirt on and my nerdy glasses, I feel like a nerdy artsy. A cup of milk tea/steaming coffee would round the picture.
3. It's in the attic
4. I have a little nook at the end of my bed in which I can just hide and just read the Bible or another book.
5. The quietness is so pure.
6. I have privacy.
7. Chinese groveries and food are just a few feet away. Craving bbtea? No problem. A 5 minute walk will take me there and back. Who needs japanese when you have szechuan?
8. My neighborhood no uniform. It's tailor made. Among run-down house and Chinese street signs, there's uniqueness as opposed to the prep-house style of St. George & Bloor.

Will post up pics next week...after my LSATs.

Moved In

The internet's hooked up. My music is playing. There's a place to sleep and a nice wide path to walk to the door. I'm drinking a green tea red bean slushi. It's pouring rain outside. But I feel like I'm home, in this house.

For the first time in a long time, I am independent. Really independent. Paying for my own rent, buying my own groceries, moving my stuff. It was all a painful and rough experience, but I love it all the same. I'm 24, and finally I am free to do what I want to do, but also free to do what's right. I think about yesterday's gruelling packing, multiple trips back and forth and pure exhaustion. My muscle aches remind me that I'm alive and my body is unfortunately limited. But my fuel? No way. God gives me the energy to go all the way. Even while I carry loads of groceries back home from Kensington and Chinatown, I am reminded, and I am SO glad. I can't imagine how I would be like now, if I didn't survive with Jesus by my side.

For the first time, I was making meal choices for myself. Instinctually, I went for the things that Em and I would get or maybe what Anuska would want; out of nostalgy I got a little bit of both. How I wish you guys could see me now...today, was a tribute to all of you, even though both of you are not living with me anymore.

I love my room...this sharp turqoise with lime green trimmings around the wall and the door. God, did you carve this place out for me? What DON'T You give me? All the colors of the stuff go so well with this place. I could live here for more than 3 months. Maybe that's Your intentions...

So blessed, so loved and so grateful.

Have a bad day?

The Conservatives won the federal election! Despite all the party-bashing at the office, postulation of Steven Harper leading Canada to destruction, I know that won't be the case. It's not just about 'change'. It's not about right or left. It's about right and wrong. This nation was built on godly principles, and that's why it's blessed with resources. But its current state will only dwindle if we let Liberals take over.



Just finished watching Harry Potter - Goblet of Fire. I would say it's on par with the first one.

I know some people who have bad days for no reason. They just wake up and just surrender to the belief that they will have a bad day, and very expectedly, they do. They shouldn't be surpised; your mind controls the rest of your body. If you succumb to the negative mentality, your whole body prepares and expects it. Like preparing for an attack from a flu virus, your immune system prepares and expects the virus. Lending power to the belief that you're going to have a bad day only manifests it.

So like that, I refuse to wake up and allow myself to believe that it's going to be a bad day. God didn't make me defeatist in the way I live. He made me so that I may delight in Him and glorify His name. He made me to rejoice and have joy and gladness overflowing my heart. He made me and decided to have a relationship with me so that I would be victorious as a child of God. A relationship in which He swore to give me much and love me as I was. So that when I come across something that He gaves me, I rejoice all the more.

Lord, thanks for telling me my security pass was in the laundry bin. I would not have known to look in there had you not told me...what with all the moving clutter surrounding me.

Federal Election Day

It's the 23rd. Packing, rifling through past notes and essays and disgarding things. All that information, but how much of it have I retained or even used? I like to hoard things, especially information. But unused information is just useless.

The apartment is in semi-moving out mode. Opened suitcases, random objects and avalanches of clothes. Saturday is the big move-out day. I know I need not be stressed about it. Like all other great transitions in my life, it'll come and pass through. I'm holding onto the promises that God has sworn to me. LSATs, donship and job applications, cell group, everything.

How awesome it is to have my creator look after me. In Him I can trust, regardless of circumstances and obstacles I face. I triumph because He is all goodness and He has blessed me, despite all my faults. Despite the many times I have made a mistake. Thank you Jesus.

24

Testing.